2016.

f8d9c2223baea00cdaec44138437dae4

2016. A year of dramatic lows and highest highs.

The first half of this year seen me have a near break down, I was suicidal, and sought out a psychiatrist. I had two separate incidents at work, one which seen me bottle a man who was bashing his heavily pregnant girlfriend and leave him unconscious, because everyone else just stood around and watch him beat her, and another in which two very drunk guys cornered me alone and threatened to drag me into a cool room and rape me. Little support from my employer, and by support I mean my boss texted me four days later to ask “how that situation ended up the other night”. I made the decision not to return to my job, and it’s amazing what that change alone brought about. I had no idea just how much of myself I had given up for the company over the past decade it was my whole world, I had no idea what it was like to not feel responsible for a business 24/7, to leave work at work. I was on tender hooks always ready to answer the phone and go to work if required, what it was like to have something more important than work. I was angry and took everything personally, if sales weren’t going well it was my fault, if my staff did the wrong thing it wasn’t a slip up, it was because of me. Take responsibility for your store, my employers favourite slogan for managers. It was nothing for me to put my fist through things; also see the reason I now have the cool party trick of being able to pop each of my fingers out separately. It was a process though, like the end of any relationship I mourned it. I was a mess, I left work, stopped basic hygiene practices, stopped leaving the house, and was basically drowning out the world however I could. Eventually I decided enough was enough, I was either dying or living, and there were days it could have gone either way. Some super supportive people helped me find someone to assist me, I made yet another counsellor and psychiatrist cry, and had some restrictions put on my medical records for my own safety, I made the decision to do it without medicinal assistance, I don’t do well with a crutch.

IMG_4287

I got back out there, job hunting is no fun, for a while there was nothing on offer, but similar jobs, of which I didn’t want, I needed a complete change, not a partial one. Then it happened within a space of a week I got four job offers, including the one I really wanted. And I’ve loved it, like all things it has it’s down side on occasion, but it’s allowed me to become a better person, and I genuinely enjoy going to work most days.

15094963_10155470943458574_3636109860853238588_n

Then the most amazing part of my year happened, I made a family. The two boys who started off as my housemates, became so much more, they became my reason for being better. They make me calmer, and more patient, and smile when I want to cry. I went from someone who didn’t think they could get pregnant, to someone who against all the odds found themselves expecting, apparently this little bundle of trouble just had to be born and wasn’t giving us a say in the matter. Something tells me this was meant to happen though, to be some sort of sign to pull my head out of my own stubborn arse and realise just what it is I have. I am happy. I’m still completely terrified, and overwhelmed, this is the biggest thing that’s ever happened toΒ me, and the most committed I’ve ever been, I don’t want to screw it up. But I’m excited and overjoyed, and ready for everything 2017 is going to throw at me, I’m going into it with some amazing people and I don’t regret a second of what has been 2016.

Happy New Year Everyone, may 2017 bring you nothing but adventures.

Advertisements

Happy Birthday Mum!

Happy Birthday Mum!

Thank you for allowing me to slide out of your lady parts naked and giving birth to me, it really is the closest two people can be!

Sorry I gross you out, and for the fighting, and for bossing you around and forgetting I’m not the Mother in our relationship so often.

Most of all thank you for being there, I love you (gross I know), you’re the only one that has been there all along, and I get it, it would have been much easier to walk away at times, I make it hard loving me.

It’s hard to believe you’re half a century old, you’re pretty freaking ancient(makes me feel old), 50 years old! It’s been a ride, from your overbearing Motherly years, where I had everything a child could dream of and was spoilt rotten. To my pre-teen/teen years, full of food/water/spray paint fights, drunken wrestling in hotel car parks until they called the cops on us, thinking we were seriously beating on each other, or even the simple things like getting drunk and watching foreign shows on mute and making our own story-lines for hours until we were crying with laughter. The tales I could tell from that chapter of my life, we had some fun in between the chaos. To the Harley years where you really came into your own as a person.

These past couple years watching you with Link have really made me excited for this next chapter, to watch you become a Grandma/Nana to Baby Lind. You’re going to be amazing, and Baby Lind is going to be lucky to have you, I really do hope he gives you hell though, he wouldn’t be my child if he didn’t.

Happy 50th you old cow Suzie, I love you!

Coming Soon…

14938376_10155432968463574_2998231935938314046_n
So if you missed the Memo about a month or so ago we announced that as of April 2017 we will be adding another member to our family, a little boy, who’s already proving to be a bundle of adorable trouble, getting a photo of him at three different scans has been near impossible, it would appear so far he isn’t keen on photos or just likes tormenting us, with his constant moving and covering his face, the only thing he has been forthcoming with is his boy bits, which he flops out for every possible opportunity, no doubt about it, he’s a boy.

I’m 23 weeks at this stage and it feels like it’s flown by, it’s only just feeling real to me that I’m going to be a Mummy, yes me, whom numerous doctors said would never fall pregnant. I’m equal parts excited and terrified, and feel completely unprepared, a huge difference from the girl at 16 when my brother was born, who thought she knew everything there was to know about babies. Oh if only I could have her confidence, with a touch more of the realistic view I have on parenting now. However I know we’ll be fine, I have an amazing partner and our child has an amazing little brother, who is simply excited to have someone to play trains with, I think I’m giving him unrealistic expectations of his brothers capabilities for at least the next 12 months or so at least.

So I’m going to attempt this blogging thing again, keep a journalΒ of sorts, and save myself from driving those on my personal facebook insane with my incessant baby updates, this way those who want to follow can.